Number 4 might surprise you…

When was the last time you said yes?
I’m not talking about saying yes when your boss assigns you yet another project that ignites no passion in you whatsoever or RSVP-ing to your second cousin’s Game of Thrones-themed wedding in Duluth. Most people have no trouble saying yes to those things, even when they really, REALLY don’t want to.

I’m talking about saying yes to yourself.

A yes that feels freeing, expansive in your body, and awakening in your soul. A yes that you know in your gut will result in the best possible outcome for everyone involved—especially you.
Rarely do we say yes with such open awareness. Instead, we’re closed off with a constricted or suppressed level of awareness. This is a “false yes”—one that occurs when you feel pressured not to speak up, decline an offer, or say what you really think.

You’ll know you’ve encountered a false yes if your body constricts, your gut twists, your energy starts to fade the moment you say it, or you begin to enter a stress response state. Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, your basic needs are not being met by this yes. If yes doesn’t feel good, that’s a wake-up call: it’s time for some mindfulness.

Mindfulness aims at getting you to arrive at an authentic yes for yourself and for others.

When two people arrive at a genuine yes, one or more basic human needs are met on both sides. When we can come into communion with one another—whether it’s through friendship, family dynamics, personal relationships, professional collaborations, or romantic partnerships—our essential human needs are being met. That’s what allows each of us to arrive at an authentic, joyful yes.

We can build a better, fairer world by operating from an unlimited level of awareness in which everyone can pause and say: this is what I need. The art of mindfulness is learning how to make decisions from a belief system that says:

     My needs are met.
     I am whole.
     I am lovable.
     I am worthy.
     I am safe.

If we all lived our lives rooted in those beliefs, the entire world would change. Mindfulness is the journey of getting people to start to wake up to that awareness.

As you start to consider how you say yes—and how you might like to say yes differently, moving forward, it can help to evaluate the four choices that really matter in life. Making decisions from this framework can help to tune out the world’s noise, guide you more deeply into your authenticity, and support you in considering what really matters.

1. The decision to live a life of integrity.
   • Walk the way you talk.
   • Do not betray or compromise yourself.
   • Do not force another person to please you.
   • Do not hold others captive for your pleasure.
   • Do not lie―speak and tell the truth.
2. The decision to pass wisdom on, NOT suffering.
   • Identify the lessons you have learned from suffering.
   • Harvest the wisdom from your story.
   • Lose victim mentality, language, and energy.
   • Don’t let a circumstance defeat you.
3. The decision to take risks.
   • Don’t wait for proof.
   • Regret is just part of the change process.
   • Ignore doubt, fear, regret, and confusion.
   • Ask yourself: How many of your greatest fears happened?
   • Most of the best things that happen have nothing to do with you.
   • Don’t look back for guidance – don’t take the safe path.
   • Be in “newness”—you are where you are because that other part of your life is over.
4. The decision to choose a new vocabulary.
   • Words create your reality.
   • What words do you need to remove forever from your narrative?
   • Consider quantum energy and energy medicine: the vibration of certain words can be so toxic that it prevents healing when you use them to talk negatively.
   • Make a list of words that are banned from your vocabulary forever, like shame, blame, deserve, entitled, should, etc.

The next time you’re presented with an invitation that feels more like an obligation, or an opportunity that feels constricting instead of expansive, consider the four choices that matter and decide to say yes to you instead.